Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day 2014.

This time last year I was in the grips of Hypermesis Gravidarum (HG). The crippling nausea, relentless sickness, overbearing exhaustion and oppressive dehydration.

I look back on Diddle Diddle Dumpling & my Instagram feed at this time last year and they're pretty empty. Before then, I would blog on Tumblr on a daily basis but like everything in life when HG is present, it had to take a back seat. I did however, write this:

Kill me. Honest to god, kill me now. 

Never have I felt so ill. Never have I felt like I’ve been poisoned. The sickness is awful but the meds can help that. 

The exhaustion though? Nothing helps it. No amount if rest, sleep or anything helps. I’ve slept more in the past week than I’ve been awake and still I can’t function. Still I can’t keep my eyes open. Still I can’t play with, lift or even provide a decent meal for my son. 

I’m now on a second type of anti-sickness meds after cyclizine (the meds I had for morning sickness with John) did nothing. I’m now on prochlorperazine - meds used to help chemotherapy patients with nausea, no less. 

I haven’t eaten a proper meal since last week. I can’t. I can’t even entertain the idea. 

I haven’t showered since Friday. There’s no way I could even stand in the shower long enough (before needing to lie down again) to be wet, never mind actually wash myself. 

And my poor boy. My poor, sweet John. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know why Mummy can’t play with him. He doesn’t understand why breakfast is a banana & lunch is a tin of pasta again. At least he’s young enough to take comfort in the fact he won’t remember this. I just hope it doesn’t change our relationship. 

One thing is for sure: this will be my last pregnancy. Regardless. It’s still early days (7 weeks) but I can’t do this again to myself, to Iain, to John or to the rest of my family.

 I can still remember the nausea, the sickness & the exhaustion. I can still remember the guilt, the heart break & the longing for it to end. Thankfully, I came across great care from Health Care Professionals and had my family to support & care for me throughout.

However, not everyone is as lucky. All too often women are passed off as having "morning sickness" and told to try ginger & crackers (don't get me started!). Faced with ill-educated Health Care Professionals, employees that don't understand and family that are unable to offer the support they need, HG can be an incredibly lonely journey. Today is Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day and the perfect opportunity to educate yourself & others on what HG is and what you can do to help those currently suffering. For more info, head on over to the Pregnancy Sickness Support Facebook Page & have a gander at their video below (warning: have your tissues at the ready!).

For more info on my Hyperemesis Journey, have a read of the following posts.

My Hyperemesis Diaries: Diagnosis.

My Hyperemesis Diaries: Treatment & Hospital.

My Hyperemesis Diaries: Recovery.

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Survival Guide.

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Hyperemesis Gravidarum Survival Guide

I've previously shared my personal experience with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) (Diagnosis, Treatment  & Hospital and Recovery) with the view of hopefully helping some other poor suffering ladies that could take comfort in knowing they're not alone. Today however I've decided to share my tips for surviving HG and how to make life throughout those horrible weeks/months that little bit more bearable.

Rest, rest, rest! HG runs a vicious cycle -- your sickness exhausts you and your exhaustion makes you sick. That's why it's important to rest as much as you can. Even if its just lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself, with a sick bucket beside you -- refrain from doing anything strenuous. Call in family to baby-sit if you've other kids to care for, ask your doctor to sign you off if you can't face work and forget about those dirty dishes - they can wait (& they'll still need done in 9 months time. Or in 18 years for that matter...). You'll probably find your energy levels are at their lowest anyway but it's important to listen to what your body is telling you.

Keep hydrated. By any means possible! Be in sucking ice cubes, keeping a wet flannel pressed to your lips or drinking any combination of unhealthy sugary drinks. Any liquid that gets into your system (particularly those that stay there) are good fluids. Of course in an ideal world, as recommended by Health Care Professionals (HCP), sipping water is best but the reality is that this can be enough to send you into a sickness frenzy, not only depriving you of any gained fluids but causing you to lose any stored fluids too. So just do whatever works for you.

Eat whatever you fancy, when you fancy. During one of my hospital stays, I met with a nutritionist who recommended small frequent meals of easy to digest food. Avoid fatty foods, dairy, fizzy drinks... Basically avoid anything with taste or substance! I opted not to follow this advice, mainly because the thought of her suggested foods were enough to make me sick, never mind actually eating them. Instead I followed the advice of other experienced HG suffers I'd spoken with and ate what I wanted, when I wanted. Sure, this meant I'd go days at a time only eating Ricicles but in truth, it was better than nothing at all.

Seek help from Health Care Professionals. I was very lucky in my HG battle to encounter understanding & educated HCPs -- not every lady is so lucky. If at first you don't succeed, try again, and again, and again until they'll listen to you. Most HCPs assume you're simply exaggerating morning sickness but the reality is that HG is much more than that -- it's a life altering illness that needs specialist treatment. Be it anti-sickness medications or hospital stays with IV fluids. Even now, not much is known about HG so if you find your HCP isn't taking you seriously, print out one of the fact sheets from the Sickness Support website.

Take it a day at a time. Don't dwell on how long your HG will last as the reality is, you just don't know. You could be feeling better a week from now, it could be months. The important part is to make it to the end of each day. You'll be one day closer to meeting your little one and down one less day of suffering. And on those really bad days, even take it an hour at a time.

Take comfort in knowing your at low risk of miscarriage. Not a great deal is known about the cause of HG but research shows its likely to have some form of connection to the levels of hCG (the pregnancy hormone) which is usually a lot higher in HG sufferers. This also means your likely to be having a strong pregnancy -- or perhaps even multiples! Also meaning your less likely to miscarry than non-HG sufferers.

Speak to people who know what you're going through. I found great comfort in speaking with the ladies on the Hyperemesis Gravidarum board on the Baby Centre Community -- whether it was for advice on medication or just to have a moan, the ladies there were always happy to help. There's similar groups all over the internet, including the Pregnancy Sickness Support's Facebook Support Group. Sometimes just knowing you're not the only person in the world going through HG is enough to make a bad day better.

(A big thank you to all the lovely ladies at the Hyperemesis Gravidarum board on Baby Centre Community for sharing your own advice and experiences with me!)

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24 Weeks Bump.

As you can probably tell by my attire, this week has been all about comfort. Because if I'm totally honest, I've been feeling like poop.

Maybe it's this whole being a year older business... But honestly (& rather devastatingly) it feels like my hyperemesis gravidarum is creeping back into my day-to-day. That and a severe lack of sleep has left me longing for a duvet day, everyday. Something that isn't possible with an 18 month old! Instead I need to power through the daily grind.

On the bright side though, today Iain bought me the best present I could have asked for -- a pregnancy support pillow! Tonight I will be heading to bed with great expectations of a peaceful nights sleep, which will hopefully result in sunnier outlook and improved motivation for the day-to-day. Now I just need to figure out a way to get bump to sleep through the night and stop waking me with a swift kick in the bladder at 4am every morning...

Don't forget - you can vote every 24 hours!

My Hyperemesis Diaries: Recovery

This post is the third in a 3-part series on my experiences living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. You can see my posts on Diagnosis and Treatment & Hospital, here and here.

Kate Middleton was hospitalised in early pregnancy thanks to Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

Possibly the hardest part to deal with in terms of Hyperemesis Gravidarum is the not knowing when it'll get better. At least I can take comfort that it will end but whether it'll be within the next few weeks, or months from now, is yet to be seen.

I've had varying opinions from a number of doctors; some saying things will improve by the second trimester at 12 weeks, some believing 16 weeks was more realistic. And then I read of ladies who've been so bad that they're still being sick whilst in labour. So far, I'm still suffering with no real end in sight. I have good days & bad days, and thankfully the bad days are becoming a lot less frequent.

At the moment I'm on a great combination of anti-sickness medications which means I can live day-to-day without being ruled by Hyperemesis. The only problem is that without them, things are unbearable. I've recently tried to cut out one of my two anti-sickness tablets, Cyclizine, but had little success. Within a few days of reducing the dose I found the nausea started to slowly creep back in. Out of pure fear I upped my dose back to the familiar and realised I clearly wasn't ready yet.

Due to the success of my combination of medication, last week I was able to return to work, although the exhaustion is still crippling me. Life has to go on. At least with my first pregnancy, when morning sickness was an issue, it was just me -- I could lie on the bathroom floor all day if I really needed to. But now, now I have John to care for and he has no grasp on the concept that Mummy isn't able bodied. He doesn't care that my body is crippled, feeling poisoned -- all he knows is that being in the house all day is boring and that when he's hungry he wants to eat, regardless of whether I do or not. This is where family support has been crucial, particularly on my bad days. I couldn't have done any of this without Iain, nor without my Mum coming to clean my house and taking John to give me a break.

If I had to give advice to someone suffering in a similar situation to my own, it'd be take it a day at a time -- even an hour at a time on those really bad day. Try not to search for the end as you'll just upset yourself when the time you'd thought things would improve passes you by. Seek help if you're really suffering -- like I've said before, I was extremely lucky to encounter great Health Care Professionals but not all are as good, so if at first you don't succeed, request a second opinion. And of course, your support group will be your biggest help -- not just in real life but it's great to have one online too. I'm part of the Hyperemesis Gravidarum support group on Baby Centre and having other women who truly understand your inability to face reality is invaluable, especially on  days where you're bed ridden and in need of a moan (which can be often!).

Extra for the Experts.
• Pregnancy Sickness Support.
• Help HER.
• Baby Centre Hyperemesis Gravidarum Support Group.

Have you ever experienced Hyperemesis Gravidarum? Share you're experiences with me! A problem shared is a problem halved...kind of.

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My Hyperemesis Diaries: Treatment & Hospital

This post is the second in a 3-part series in my experience of living with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. You can see my post on Diagnosis here.

The weeks following my diagnosis of Hyperemesis Gravidarm were an emotional mixture of tears, sleep-deprivation, and the relentless feeling of being poisoned. Every evening I cried myself to sleep, just wishing to feel well enough to look after my son. "Why did I decide to do this? This isn't fair on John, nor Iain," who had found himself taking over care of the house and our little boy, all by himself. As much as I hate to admit it, I questioned if we'd made the right decision. Although I'd never consider terminating a pregnancy due to Hyperemesis, early on in my sickness-clouded pregnancy, I did decide this would be the last time I go through pregnancy, regardless of the outcome.

In my first pregnancy, I had been prescribed Cyclizine to ease my morning sickness and it was a life saver. Knowing it was a safe option for use in pregnancy, I asked my GP for it as soon as I started to feel ill in my second pregnancy. Given my previous experience with morning sickness & the fact I had John & work to juggle, my GP was happy to prescribe it. I took those 3 little tablets a day and expected the same miracle that I'd experienced last time. However, it wasn't the same -- the sickness still crept through. I started to become so ill that I couldn't keep water down, never mind anti-sickness tablets.

I took myself back to my GP and explained that I was still being sick & was in fact in a worse state as a result. This time they prescribed Prochloperazine, another stronger anti-sickness tablets suitable for use in pregnancy.

I've now had two hospital visits courtesy of the dehydration associated with Hyperemesis. The first being around 7 weeks pregnant -- I arrived at the hospital in the morning and spent the entire day having cups of water forced upon me. That first time I got home by the evening which was a relief when I'd been told to take an overnight bag, just in case.

The second visit - at 11 weeks of pregnancy - turned into the best part of a week stuck in a bed on the ante-natal ward. I had bag after bag of fluid pumped into me via an IV, and jag after jag into my bum of anti-sickness medicines. Half way through my hospital stay I was being sick continuously and it seemed like I'd never get home. But thankfully, after a few visits from very understanding, Hyperemesis experienced doctors, we had a better combination of anti-sickness medication that seemed to be working.

At this point in time I'm on a combination of Prochlorperazine (10mg 3 times a day) & Cyclizine (1 tablet 3 times a day). and at 16 weeks of pregnancy, I'm trying to cut out Cyclizine from my daily medication, mainly due to concern of taking so many tablets during pregnancy, as despite being reassured what I'm taking is safe for pregnant women, I'd still like to medication-free. So far my dropping Cyclizine has been successful and I'm hoping its a sign that my Hyperemesis is improving and I'll not be medication-dependant for the next 24 weeks. A girl can dream, right?

Read on... My Hyperemesis Diaries: Recovery.

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My Hyperemesis Diaries: Diagnosis

I've been reluctant to write about my Hyperemesis Gravidarum due to a combination of wanting to pretend it's not really happening, with a bit of "what's the point - I'll still be suffering regardless". However, having spent a lot of time reading other peoples experiences and researching it to death, I've decided to share my own thoughts & feelings on the subject in a series of posts, in case someone else finds themselves in my shoes. This is the 1st in a 3 part series of my Hyperemesis Gravidarum experience.

In beginning of my first pregnancy, I felt rotten. Around 6 weeks in I was suffering from morning sickness -- it was awful. I found myself munching crackers in bed, knowing if I got up before doing so, I'd surely be sick. Certain foods & smells were guaranteed triggers but thankfully I still had some go-to solutions (such as super noodles & love heart sweets) which helped keep the nausea bearable. I went through 4 weeks of morning sickness before a much welcomed improvement around 10 weeks. And apart from the occasional food aversion, I was fine for the following 30 weeks.

Cue my second pregnancy. I felt much more prepared -- older & wiser. I expected morning sickness, and although I didn't exactly welcome it with open arms, I felt like it'd be easier & more bearable knowing it'd only last a few weeks. So when the sickness started to kick in at 6 weeks, I took myself along to my GP to see if I could get some Cyclizine; the anti-sickness medication I was prescribed first time around.

But things were different this time.Those 3 little pills a day just weren't helping, and I wasn't feeling the instance relief that would allow me to eat again. I was still nauseous and still being sick. I carried on this way for a few days, trying to juggle Johns daily routine with cautiously lingering near my toilet. But when it got to the point that I couldn't even peel myself out of bed to be sick (thank goodness for buckets!) and John found himself eating another cheese sandwich for his tea, I knew this wasn't just normal morning sickness.

I dragged my exhausted, nauseous self back to my GP. Whilst there, I broke down. I'd only been sick for a week but I already felt like I couldn't do it any more. The constant nausea which never lets up, the feeling like your crippled insides have been relentlessly poisoned. The sickness with an empty stomach, that burned my throat & nose. But the hardest part was the lack of energy. I could easily sleep 20+ hours a day -- I couldn't even stand long enough to shower myself or prepare John a cooked meal. What was my body doing to itself? Why couldn't I cope with this pregnancy? I'd already done it before without such difficultly...

Thankfully my GP was understanding and gave me a prescription for a stronger anti-sickness medication, and signed me off work. That was the first of many sick notes with the words "Hyperemesis Gravidarum" scrolled on as my reason for being unfit to work.

Read on... My Hyperemesis Diaries: Treatment & Hospital.



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Shovelling Snow.

Cleaning the house with John around... I can only compare it to shovelling snow when it's still snowing. (ie. impossible!)

I'd like to think I'm quite house proud. Whenever Iain springs a surprise visit from friends on me, I dash around like a mad woman - hoovering up the dust bunnies, washing the mountain of dishes and scrubbing the otherwise disgusting toilet. All before anyone arrives, thus creating the illusion of a well-maintained home.

Ok, so maybe I'm not that house proud. But I like to keep up appearances. It's my own burden to bear. I secretly judge peoples homes when I'm the visitor, so I expect them to be doing the same to me. And of course, in the big scheme of things, it means very little. I'm sure that even the most house proud person will have days when the laundry has piled up quicker than their washing machine can handle, particularly those with kids too.

Recently though, our house and hit all new types of low. Hyperemesis isn't just having its toll on me, but it's been taking it's toll on our home too. My Mum has been a god-send. On more than one occasion she's appeared with rubber gloves on-hand, ready and raring to scrub. But with John, it all soon piles up again.

Today though, today I made a start. I'm finally getting my Hyperemesis under control with a mixture of anti-sickness meds, so the top of my list of things-to-do now I'm more able bodied is, of course, gut the house.

My Sunday has been spend hoovering, mopping, doing the laundry and making a start on sorting the mountains of junk that have piled up over the past few months. And I've made some headway. At least, enough to get me motivated to continue the battle tomorrow - despite John throwing lasagne on my freshly mopped floor... That does nothing for my motivation...

12 Week Bump

I've popped! It would seem almost overnight.

It's rather strange to be showing so early on - with John I didn't even look remotely pregnant until closer to 20 weeks. And even following that, I had a constantly small measuring bump.

Of course this could just be bloat, a left over Mummy-tummy or simply due to the fact that the rest of my body is slowly fading away thanks to Hyperemesis Gravidarum. But regardless of if it's a true bump or not, I can't help but rub my tummy in that protective-mother manner.

How am I feeling? Still pretty awful. I'm now on two different types of anti-sickness medication to help me function day-to-day, and although the help, nothing keeps the feeling of being poisoned at bay. However since starting this new regime of medication, I'm not in hospital dehydrated. Every cloud, eh?

Hyperemesis aside, I'm exhausted. I could easily sleep 14+ hours a day but with John, it's simply an impossibility - kid isn't one for duvet days! I try to keep myself geared up with early nights and napping when John does. It's never enough though.

But as I wave farewell to the first trimester and hello to the second, I'm keeping my eyes open and my hopes up that the constant nausea will soon start to ease. Maybe then I can get back into the routine of work and being a less-than-useless mother. A girl can dream, can't she?

Tough Week.

I've been in hospital since Monday night.

On Monday I became very dehydrated and got to the point where I couldn't even keep my anti-sickness meds down. My GP checked my ketone levels and then sent me straight to the hospital.

I've now had countless bags of fluid and my bum is very bruised from all the different anti-sickness injections I've been given.

I miss my boys now and one thing is for sure; hospital beds aren't made for tall people! I'm just exhausted. I'm on a ward with other ladies who’re being induced or are in early labour, and I feel like a bumpless fraud who’s only 12 weeks pregnant.

But today I'm getting home. I'm excited but still panicking a little that I'm going to have another relapse and end up getting dehydrated still. I've just got to try and remain positive and hopefully my body will cooperate.

The bright side though? We have our first scan on Monday.