I look back on Diddle Diddle Dumpling & my Instagram feed at this time last year and they're pretty empty. Before then, I would blog on Tumblr on a daily basis but like everything in life when HG is present, it had to take a back seat. I did however, write this:
Kill me. Honest to god, kill me now.
Never have I felt so ill. Never have I felt like I’ve been poisoned. The sickness is awful but the meds can help that.
The exhaustion though? Nothing helps it. No amount if rest, sleep or anything helps. I’ve slept more in the past week than I’ve been awake and still I can’t function. Still I can’t keep my eyes open. Still I can’t play with, lift or even provide a decent meal for my son.
I’m now on a second type of anti-sickness meds after cyclizine (the meds I had for morning sickness with John) did nothing. I’m now on prochlorperazine - meds used to help chemotherapy patients with nausea, no less.
I haven’t eaten a proper meal since last week. I can’t. I can’t even entertain the idea.
I haven’t showered since Friday. There’s no way I could even stand in the shower long enough (before needing to lie down again) to be wet, never mind actually wash myself.
And my poor boy. My poor, sweet John. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know why Mummy can’t play with him. He doesn’t understand why breakfast is a banana & lunch is a tin of pasta again. At least he’s young enough to take comfort in the fact he won’t remember this. I just hope it doesn’t change our relationship.
One thing is for sure: this will be my last pregnancy. Regardless. It’s still early days (7 weeks) but I can’t do this again to myself, to Iain, to John or to the rest of my family.I can still remember the nausea, the sickness & the exhaustion. I can still remember the guilt, the heart break & the longing for it to end. Thankfully, I came across great care from Health Care Professionals and had my family to support & care for me throughout.
However, not everyone is as lucky. All too often women are passed off as having "morning sickness" and told to try ginger & crackers (don't get me started!). Faced with ill-educated Health Care Professionals, employees that don't understand and family that are unable to offer the support they need, HG can be an incredibly lonely journey. Today is Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day and the perfect opportunity to educate yourself & others on what HG is and what you can do to help those currently suffering. For more info, head on over to the Pregnancy Sickness Support Facebook Page & have a gander at their video below (warning: have your tissues at the ready!).
For more info on my Hyperemesis Journey, have a read of the following posts.
Thanks for sharing! I suffered through my whole pregnancy with HG, and felt that no one really understood what I was going through at the time. The pregnancy was much longed for, so often felt guilty for feeling so rotten and unable to do very much at all. Sadly I had very little support from the healthcare professionals I encountered. In my first trimester I was pretty much told pregnant women get sick - deal with it. The next evening I ended up at out of hours GP at the hospital vomiting blood because of a Mallory-Weiss tear. Finally I was put on some anti-sickness meds for 3 days - which helped with the vomiting, but made me incredibly drowsy! After that I had no more support from healthcare professionals, despite vomiting right up to the end of the pregnancy. I would love to have a sibling for my little girl, but both mu husband and I are terrified of dealing with HG, especially now we have a little one to look after as well. Your post gives me some hope that is I ever get pregnant again, maybe there will be more help available to me, now that I know there is support out there!
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