Blair Drummond Safari Park

A couple of weeks back we packed up the car and headed towards Stirling for a wee day on safari. We've been twice before with John (see here & here) but this was David's first experience of getting up close & personal with the animals. Things didn't get off to a good start with David falling in the car & busting his lip open (cue lots of tears & lots of blood!) but once he'd calmed down, we set to exploring Blair Drummond Safari Park and all it has to offer, with one fat lipped little boy & his over-excited big brother.

The actual drive through part is currently a bit boring but with them opening a new monkey drive through soon, I think it'll be much more fun next time around. That being said there's still plenty to do, from the Sea Lion show which both boys loved, to all the various fairground rides which John spent the entire day wanting to go back to. John loved seeing the Marmosets & Lemars running around freely & David was amazed by the Penguins & Monkeys, pressing his face right up against their windows to get a closer look! Me though? Well as always, I loved the donkeys!

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Two Peas; Like Chalk & Cheese

Two peas in a pod and absolute extreme opposites. These two are similar in so many ways, yet worlds apart in others. People have started asking if they're twins. John is so tiny and David so big. They're actually in the same size clothes now, both weighing 2 stone too. Yet in terms of personality, they couldn't be more different.

John is a sensitive wee soul. Just today he told me he loved me countless times, asking for kisses & cuddles too. He is shy in new environments, always needing reassurance to try new things & liking to have his Mickey soft toy there by his side, just in case. With OCD tendencies when it comes to organising his toys & cars, he's very much already set in his ways. He's also a smart wee cookie who questions everything.

David on the other hand is a whirlwind, an absolute wrecking ball. He knows no fear, be it running as fast as his little legs will take him right into the face of danger. Or doing all he can to get the attention of a complete stranger. He's loud, oh so loud! I can't relax when David's awake, simply because I'm waiting for the next moment where I'll need to save him from his impending suicide attempt (see my recent vlog to hear more about David's death wish). He takes great pleasure in kicking throwing & generally destroying his big brothers perfectly organised belongings. David is also a goofball, happy in his own little world of all things nice!

These pair are like two peas in a pod, yet complete chalk & cheese. Yin and yang if you wanna get all deep & philosophical. It makes for interesting times; with them getting along, working together one moment and at each other's throat the next. But when John is feeling shy, David's there to bound on past him and show that there's nothing to worry about. And when David's charging towards danger (or trying to jump into a lake after swans...), John's there to hold him back and make sure he doesn't, y'know, die.

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From The Mouth of a 3 Year Old

I've waited a long time to be able to write this post. There's just something about what 3 year old's say - they're just bloody hilarious! I remember reading Along Came Cherry a while back, laughing at all the funny things Jess had documented Cherry saying and thinking I couldn't wait until John was coming out with his very own array of laughter-enduing phrases. Maybe it's the fact he gets muddled up from time to time, or because most of it seems completely random but this kid has me in stitches on a daily basis.

• • •

"John not like sharks. Sharks eat me."

"Jesus Christ!"

"John likes his juice. It's a wee bit ok."

"Mummy, John watch Tipsy & Tom?"

"John loves his willy."

"I'm not a pest! I'm a menace."

"Daddy - you sing Frozen! Why you not sing Frozen?!"

"This black haggis?" (Black pudding)

[Pointing at a swan]
"Look at that big seagull!"

"Daddy, you put on Tom & Jelly for John to watch?"

"When John's big like Mummy-Daddy, he drive a big van... And fire engine."

"John loves pasta bacon. (Pasta bake). It's John's favourite."

[Looking at my belly button piercing]
"Mummy has ring in her belly. She get another one when she gets married?"

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Ordinary Moments - Hi Ho, Hi Ho

My sister sent me these photos of John on Wednesday. I was working and her & my Mum were watching the boys, a weekly occurrence on Wednesdays. Of course, I laughed. A lot! I wonder if it's because I work in optics and spend most of my days selling, adjusting & fixing glasses that I find it particularly funny to see my biggest boy having a shot of his Granny's glasses and loving it. (But then maybe kids in big glasses is universally funny? You tell me!)

John is getting into a good wee routine now where he expects to see his Granny on a Wednesday and that Monday & Thursdays are nursery days. Tuesday's & Friday's have always been days with Mummy & Saturday's are the 3 of us in the morning until Daddy gets home. With Sunday's being dedicated to boys only days. Which if you're following me, equates to Daddy working 5.5 days a week and Mummy working 4 days. But this might be changing soon.

When I returned to work after having the boys I was only doing 3 days a week, simply because the cost of childcare wouldn't allow me to do any more. Plus the boys were merely babies and I felt like I couldn't be away from them for more than 24 hours a week. But they grew...quickly...and my bank balance didn't grow with them. So I started doing Sunday's to make the whole work-scenario a bit more worthwhile. And we've been making it work. Two days at nursery, a day with Granny & a day with Daddy; a nice balance.

Recently though, there's been talk of me upping the work once more, which would bring me back to full time hours. It's been something that's played on my mind for quite a while. We're by no means 'well off' and the extra cash would be hugely beneficial, especially with bills to pay, debts to clear and a wedding to start planning. I mean, it'd be silly not to, right? Yet, I still feel torn in half.

Between two wee boys who would happily spend every moment in the company and being able to actually provide them with the possibility of a forever home & not just a rented flat. It's he difference between planning a wedding in the next 5 years and the next 10. And it's a case of working my ass off now, paying off debts before the boys go to school so I can maybe even manage to pick them up from school in the afternoon, even a few days a week. Yet, I still don't want to leave hem; mothers guilt & all that.

It will mean missing out at times, letting nursery be there for some of the firsts & milestones, and hoping that Granny will get photos of the moments she has with them too. But my heart tells me I'm better doing what I've got to do now, whilst they're young & adaptable, so that I can be there on the days they need to come home from school earlier because they're not feeling 100%, without worrying if the bills will still be covered. Or take time off in the school holidays, without thinking we'll end up living off a tight food budget as a result. To be able to marry Iain in the next 5 years and to buy a house in the next 10.

Nothing is finalised yet but it's looking like it's heading that way. 5 days of working times two. 3 days of nursery, one day with Granny, 1 day with a Mummy & 1 day with Daddy, with one final day as a family...once Daddy finishes work in the morning too. At least until we win the lottery that is!

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Worst Friends & Best Enemies

I always wanted sons. I came from a family of girls so as well as having my fair share of all things pink, Barbie & the rest of the stereotypical 'girly' things; I've also had my fair share of sister rivalry, bitching & arguments over every little insignificant thing. Boys are more straight forward. They're either getting along or they're beating the living daylights out of each other.

Having never grown up with boys, this whole violent-living is new to me (except for that time my big sister threw me out our bedroom & broke my toe - hiyaz Kirtsy!). Thing is, at only 3 & 1, I thought we had a few more years ahead of us before the punching, kicking & quite literally sitting on one another. But oh no, at only 3 & 1, these two boys can already fight like the worst of enemies. All it takes is for David to glance in John's direction whilst he's lining up his cars and John will be up in his face, screaming and shouting, whilst pushing his little brother to the ground, promptly sitting on him before he can escape.

David is no better. He'll go out of his way to upset John; be it ruining his line-up of cars, stealing his food the minute his back is turned or jumping on him & pulling his hair when he's trying to sleep on the couch (that one really annoys me too!). There's been hair pulling, biting, scratching, hitting with remote controllers, pushing into furniture... I feel like these days I'm now spending way too much of our days breaking up squabbles, with at least one boy inconsolably screaming by the end of it.

I'm exhausted. As a parent you learn to deal with the screaming but I'm now I'm faced with the decision of when to interfere and when the right time is to stand back & let them get on with it? It's not like it's unfair fight, given that John's pretty small & David's pretty big, with them actually weighing exactly the same. Of course, if one is genuinely getting hurt or being obviously unfair to the other, then I'll step in. But I'm already finding that I can't fight every battle for these boys, even those between themselves.

And going by what their Daddy has to say about growing up in a house of boys, it's not something they're going to overcome just yet. In fact, it's going to get a hell of a lot worse and a lot more physical before there's any improvement on the fighting front. Basically, this is it for the next 15 years at least! To keep my sanity in tack until then though, I'll keep photos of them playing nicely close by; just as a reminder that they can be the best of friends too!



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Biggest Little

Dear John, When did you stop being a toddler & start being an actual grown up, independent kid? My little sausage, the way you view the world these days is nothing short of amazing. You're so aware, pointing out the things we would otherwise not notice; from the Police Station sign looking like a checkered race flag, too the fact your Skittles have a "number one" on them...even if sometimes you don't get them quite 100% right!

And the questioning, oh the questioning! You have both Daddy & I demented most days. You want to know, to understand everything. This means we're faced with lots of, "what's that?", "where they going?", and your absolute favourite, "what's their name?" On a daily, perhaps even hourly basis, I find myself telling you that you're like a broken record! Something, like many other things, you often repeat back to us. The fact that you tell David he's a, "wee devil," & "a pest," and that when he poos he's a, "stinker," & that it's, "disgusting," just goes to show that you hear everything! But most of all I love that we can now hold actual conversations. You tell me all about your days at nursery, you can run me through all the names of the characters in Cars and what they do, ("Mater go backwards, Lightening go fast, Francesco go super fast, Holly fly...") and you're always the first to tell on your little brother should he be doing something he's not meant to.

You're also full of cheek. And attitude! There's no ounce of patience in you either. When you want something you'll do all you can to get it. From telling me your bike is broken because you liked the look of another one in the shop, to then saying that your bike isn't actually yours but in fact David's, in another attempt to get that new bike you oh-so want. And when you realise you're not getting it, all hell breaks loose!

But you're a shy wee soul too. I see myself at that age in you. Desperate to try new things but hesitant to do so without the reassuring hand of your Mummy, Daddy or Granny. Despite your otherwise constant questioning & often sounding like a broken record, it takes you a good amount of time to come out your shell around those who aren't familiar. And God forbid we're anywhere with someone in a costume; it's enough to reduce you into what I can only describe as a panic attack. It's not nice to witness but with lots of talking and reassurance you are getting a little better and can manage to be in a large room with one as long as they stay at one end and you're at the other. You've also got a fear of monkeys being in beds after a rather traumatic nightmare whilst we were away over Hogmanay. Again we're dealing with it but you're still very wary about being in unfamiliar beds on your own.

In other big news, you're now sleeping in your own big bed, all night & nappy free. So many big milestones that appeared to happen all at once. We've also finished breastfeeding now, just a week after your 3rd birthday, I knew it was time so one night we decided you were a big boy and didn't need it any more; you never questioned it, aside from asking if David would still have "Mummy's mocks." And you've never asked again since, which I'm so glad for, as despite me missing those moments from time to time, it shows you really were ready.

Love you always, Mummy

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Fireman Birthday Party

I was torn on this party. It boiled down too two options; a Cars party or a Fireman party. In the end, given the absolute obsession with Fireman Sam & all things Fire Brigade, it was Fireman that we went with. And boy, was John excited! From the moment he spotted one of the invitations, he wouldn't stop talking about his party; as well as telling me what presents he wanted!

But when it came around to it, I wasn't quite as enthusiastic. Having just organised David's Bumble Bee Party, followed by Christmas & just getting back into the routine of life, I was lacking motivation to get organised. In fact, most of the decorations were thrown together the night before! First though there was the invitations, which I still absolutely love. Decorations wise, there was the traditional DIY banner, as seen at all previous birthday parties but this time I went with something a little different with a circle design. Then there was the fire helmet & fire engine banner, made by creating a little stencil of each and simply cutting some card in yellow & red. And to add the the party atmosphere there was lots of red & yellow balloons! I did have plans for tissue paper flames hanging from the ceiling but due to poor planning, I couldn't find any orange tissue paper at the last minute.

And of course, there was the cake! As always, the boys Granny out did herself! Fire engine cakes were always a popular one I remember her making when I was growing up (she's a professional cake maker by the way) but this one was particularly special, having all the details of Pontypandy's very own Jupiter! Plus John was especially pleased to see Sam, Penny, Elvis & Station Officer Steele on his cake too.

John had a lovely time at his party, even if he proved he was definitely his Mummy's son by being extremely unsociable most of the day! To be fair to him though, when you're 3 years old, new toys are way more fun than being a good host.

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3 Years Today

It's hard to believe. 3 years ago today, I first held you in my arms. 3 years ago today you entered this world and in doing so, made me a mother. 3 years ago today I held you close, breathed you in and promised to always look after you.

My Little Sausage, you may drive me up the wall but you're also what roots me to the ground. With each day you grow, my love for you does too. It feels like you've been with me forever, yet the past 3 years have gone in the blink of an eye. And despite any tough times we've had in these past 3 years, there's a million great memories to top them. Like I said 3 years ago today, and every day since, "I love you my Little Sausage."

Happy Birthday, John Scott.

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