The Big Move.

Today I washed the carpet in John’s nursery.

I’ve been saying I’d do it for weeks now but I keep putting it off. I know that once it’s cleaned and had time to dry out, there’s no reason for him not to move into his own room.

Although he’s sleeping 12 hours through the night, no longer waking for feeding or even his dummy, is happy napping alone in his cot and is settled in all other aspects, I still find myself putting the move to his own room off.

I’m 100% sure he’s ready for it but I know myself that I am not. It’s the same way with changing his buggy to outward facing. I think it’s the idea of metaphorically pushing him away from me. Knowing he is no longer completely dependant on me, more so each day, breaks my heart. I love seeing my little boy grow but I still find myself aching for the tiny newborn who just wanted to be fed and cuddled all day & night. The fact he’s growing is becoming more obvious and the memories of his newborn days feel further & further away. I don’t want to lose these memories; the smell of a days-old tiny baby, the feel of new wrinkly skin and the whimper of a hungry boy who could live in a world of only him and his Ma’.

My boy is growing before my eyes and I think I’m always going to mourn for the days gone by.