The Other Mums Dilema

Like every first time Mum, one of the first trips I took John on after the fleeting newborn days was to our local Mum & Baby group. At first it was a little daunting; we didn't know anyone and it seemed like all the babies were a bit older than John and that all the Mums were already close.

Slowly though, other Mums with babies John age started to join the group too. At first it was great - finally, someone else who could relate to sleepless nights, breastfeeding anxiety and 'is it teething?' concerns. And I really started to look forward to our Monday meetups; we even started seeing some of the other Mums away from the group for play dates and coffee. But like all most good things, that too slowly started to turn sour.

Cue weaning. Suddenly the group started to divide. Purées vs. Baby-led Weaning; both wanting to do the best by their baby, both thinking the others were judging them profusely. Unfortunately the Baby-led Weaning camp fell with only two troopers: John & I. Suddenly I was bombarded with judgement as I was "not providing enough nutrients for my son", and for "serving choking hazards up as food", and obviously thinking I was holier than thou for choosing a different method of weaning than the majority. Of course, none of that was the reality of our lives; I chose to Baby-led Wean for various reasons and in actual fact, never even mentioned the subject of weaning without first being questioned, as I was (and still am) 100% happy with our choices without feeling the need to justify our reasons. But it would seem this attitude was taken as me being smug and was the start of our downhill spiral.

Similar conflicts soon followed. Continuing to breastfeed past 6 months, choosing not to follow controlled crying, returning to work at 9 months and opting for nursery as a form of childcare... It seemed as though everyone had judgement to share on each-others parenting choices. And I won't lie, I don't necessarily agree with some of the other Mums own choices but I'd never dare voice such disagreement - I mean, it's really none of my business. Unfortunately, not all the Mums agreed with this sentiment. Slowly I stopped attending our local Mum & Baby group, only showing up briefly every 4 weeks to have John weighed, before making my excuses and going for an afternoon walk instead.



We're now at an age where the next lot of Mums have started attending the local baby group; I watch them with their only-months-old babies, listening to them discussing when their little ones will sleep through (oh, if only they knew!) and think it's maybe time to move on. But we're at the awkward age between Baby Groups and Toddler Groups; for now though it seems the stepping stone between is meeting at the local soft play areas.

We've had many invites from the Mums I met at our Mum & Baby Group but for long enough I had been making excuses - I was still bitter about the things said over the past year and didn't want to unnecessarily expose ourselves to such negativity. Today though I decided to bite the bullet for the sake of John and go to one of the recently refurbished soft play areas for a couple of hours. And things started off great. I went along with one of the nicest Mums (whom daughter attends nursery alongside John) and we had a really nice catch up - she's definitely one of the few ('real-life') Mums who I connect with. But after the other Mums started to arrive, things turned their usual sour way. Statement such as "you're still breastfeeding?!" and "when they're crying like that [due to sickness] you just need to leave them to cry". It was obviously the time to bite my tongue but on reflection it confirmed my initial decision - I don't need such negativity in mine (nor my sons) life and I don't think I'll be returning to the soft play again any time soon.

Fingers crossed that the Mum & Toddler Groups will bring more positive experiences in the not-so distant future.