"It's my day off." Does it make me an awful mother to say that? When I went on maternity leave & once David was born, I felt like I'd never want to go back to work. Being at home with a newborn & a toddler was lovely; dare I say, 'easy'. But as the months went on, John grew further into the terrible twos & David became more demanding. The days of being able to chill out with John happily playing & David sleeping all day were short-lived. Now our days are non-stop - literally.
From 6am to 8pm, I do not stop. Whether it's drawing pictures of poop for John (yes, really...), pulling fluff from David's mouth or cleaning the never ending mess; even in the brief moments that I do get to sit down, it usually involves someone sitting on top of me - generally with their finger up my nose too. Truth is, being a Mum of two is bloody tough. With one baby, you get to a point where you think, "yeah, I've got this!" A point where life just falls in to place, with only minor hiccups along the way. With two, this doesn't happen.
It's no longer a case of working our way through just one developmental phase, or planning our day around one kids nap times. There's two little bodies that suffer with illness, two little boys constantly wanting attention. Even when both boys want the same thing at the same time, it's simply impossible to evenly divide myself between them. I sit down at the end of those tough days when both boys are going through developmental phases, frustratingly skipping naps, whilst simultaneously choked with the cold, and wondered how on this earth we all made it to bedtime alive. Don't get me wrong, there's a whole lot of good in there too and each bad day is easily made up for in the moments when John cuddles an upset David singing Twinkle Twinkle and saying, "it's ok, Day-bid. Mummy & Don here." But when you are having one of these awful days, all you long for is a day off.
Any parent can tell you there's actually no such thing as a day off. Even when you're not with your kids they're on your mind. But the next closest thing is a few hours away from them where you can all breathe & do something you enjoy. For me, that's work. If you read my 50 Facts About Me, you'll know I'm not a sociable person at all. Work is my 'social' time, my time to have adult conversation, to interact with people who actually talk back. Like everyone who works with the public, I occasionally have a wee moan about it but honestly, I love it. Not only do I work with some pretty great folk but I get to meet & talk with a huge array of people and talk about a world that genuinely interests me. Because although talking about John's love of Norman Price, or why David shouldn't eat toilet paper is great, it's not exactly stimulating chat.
Plus I get paid & when you have debts, money is another pretty big factor in choosing to go back to work (but y'know, shhh - we're British and don't talk about money..!). However, surely it doesn't actually make me an awful mother to admit I need some time away from my kids? I hope not. It preserves my sanity which can only be a good thing, right? Best of all, I get to pick up a toddler from nursery who almost explodes with excitement in telling me about his day & a baby who looks at me like there is no one else in the world he would rather see. What better way to end a 'day off'?
Did you go back to work after having kids? What were your reasons?
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I haven't as yet but my MA finishes on 3rd November so I'm currently in the process of finding something part time so we still have some money coming in from my side. I'm lucky in that my MIL only works 10 hours a week so we can share childcare if I only do about 16. I'm not that social either... My main source of socialising has always been work, with the exception of the mums I now meet once a week, so I know where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! I was dreading the return to work earlier this year but I am glad for it now. Luckily I like my job and it's good for both me and my little man to have that time apart to have some time out and for him to spend quality time with his Dad or other family members. 9 months into my return to work and we now know no different and we make it work.
ReplyDeleteI love this post lovely. Everyone's situation is different and I respect every mothers decision, whether they want to work full time or never work again, but for me I have to work. I adore my children and I love being with them but I couldn't be a full time stay at home Mum. I firstly like having my independence and a little money of my own, I don't like relying on Mr E for everything and secondly I need just a little time away from them. Just a little. x
ReplyDeleteSo nice to know I'm not alone! I have endless respect for Stay At Home Mums, simply because I don't know how they do it! I need that time away so I can really enjoy the time we have together. Plus, like you say Katie, it's nice to have that independence & money of your own! xo
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